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Bad Habits Can be Anxiety Containers

3/20/2021

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It can be sooooo frustrating.  You KNOW what you need to do, but no matter your intentions, after a couple of successful tries, those "bad habits" creep back in and you one again beat yourself up because you know better.  ​Why do we do it to ourselves?  Why can't we just break the cycle?  Here's a thought: those habits are not just habits.  Like the old Trojan Horse, the habits are more than the actions that they appear to be.  They just might actually be remarkable disguises for our anxieties.
how anxiety hides in habits
As a disabilities rights attorney, this is important.  Many of my clients don't think they have anxiety.  They think they are lazy or uncommitted or careless or some similarly unflattering thing.  And so they blame themselves when things go wrong, instead of considering that some combination of accommodations and services could help them through whenever their "bad" behaviors surface.  Legal protections matter, because they give us time and space to work on the underlying disabling anxiety (or other condition) while continuing to progress in their school and work environments.

This is not cheating.  This is getting a chance to keep moving while you do double work: the work you do for school/work PLUS the work you do to neutralize your disabling condition through medications, therapies and practice. 
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Link to Print Version of Unwinding Anxiety by Judson Brewer
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Link to Kindle & Audible Versions of Unwinding Anxiety by Judson Brewer
In Unwinding Anxiety by Judson Brewer, Brewer suggests that the key to breaking our bad habits requires that we start by breaking the habit open to reveal the anxiety.  Start by mapping out the anxiety trigger that sets off the bad habit.  Discern how our bad habit can actually be seen as rewarding.  Then create and practice a new habit that is more rewarding than the old one.
It sounds sooooo easy!  But it really requires creating a lot of new habits that are difficult to establish, the most important of which, I think, is being kind to ourselves.   I'm intrigued by the possibilities and that's why I've ordered this book for myself.  I hope that if these sound like what might be helpful to you, that you go ahead and try it out for yourself.  Maybe form a book club / support group.  Maybe even get professional psychological services from a private practitioner or group/hospitalization program.  It will take time and a lot of persistent that will be hard to maintain.  Give yourself the grace to try and to get help.
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When a Good Student Faces Academic Probation

1/24/2021

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Adjusting to life as a new college student can be hard.  You're living away at home, meeting new people, figuring out how to manage your time, and this year (2020-21) doing it in the middle of a pandemic.  Good students who have never had academic difficulties sometimes discover the hard way that there's something different needed to keep things together in college.  And you figure it out when you get your grades during Winter break and see grades that don't belong on YOUR report card.
You might have gotten your first C (or D or F).  If enough of your grades are unsatisfactory, you might even be put on academic probation. 

​What does this mean to your future?
You might think, "whose report card is this?"
One one end, you can be on the Dean's List... on the other is being put on Academic Probation
As a student, you are always "rated" in terms of how you are doing in relation to being on track to earn a degree.  People like to brag about being on the Dean's List or the Honor Roll; these are statuses that designate students who are doing exceptionally well in terms of their grades.  Normally, most students are in something called "good standing," which simply means that you are doing pretty well and there are no clear warning signs that you will not succeed in earning your degree.  But there's another status that some of us discover: the scary sounding standing called "academic probation." 
First, take a deep breath.  You're probably not going to get kicked out and you're probably not going to lose all your scholarships.  At least not right away.  But you do really need to take this seriously to keep everything together.
The academic probation status exists to help the college and the student recognize that something needs to change if the student is going to successfully progress toward graduation.  It's an opportunity for the student to evaluate how this term's grades happened: extenuating circumstances?  unexpected difficulty of class material?  inability to focus?  never went to class?  never got a good night sleep?  roommate problems?  There will typically be a number of things that can be identified as contributors to the situation.
Why this is happening.
What you're going to do to make things better
Next, you want to identify realistic changes that you can personally make as a student to create a different outcome next term.  Things like setting up a study schedule, using the academic tutoring available on campus, and even getting regular exercise could be helpful.  If you are an athlete, you might have to "sit out" a season to give you a chance to get your grades up.  Many colleges have an academic support services department to help you establish and keep habits that contribute to academic success.  Finally, consider whether additional accommodations through the college's disability support services department would help make academic success more likely.  You should be having discussions with your advisors, your academic dean, and representatives from the various support services department to craft a reasonable plan for better results next term.
Always remember that you want to succeed and your college wants to see you succeed.  There are lots of things to consider and a lot of administrative work that needs to get done to keep you organized as you find was to become a better student.  If you would like help on your journey, please contact me.
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Bullies need to be schooled

9/3/2019

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Winnie was upset.  At the end of lunch, a few boys asked to sit next to her; she agreed.  Then they asked her about her opinions on abortion.  Upon hearing that she was not inclined to limit a woman's ability to make that choice, they then asked "so could we just stick a gun up her vagina and shoot?"  "How about using a machete?"  "Oh, I know, a bazooka!"  Stunned, she told them to go away.  Thankfully, the bell rang and she got up and headed for class.

What could she do?  The boys were being dumb, and they had not directly threatened to harm her.  A friend in the next class diagnosed the boys as idiots and shrugged his shoulders.  Winnie tried to forget it.

The next night it still bothered her, so she told her mother.  Together, they decided that there was no reasonable reason for the boys to talk to her that way, and that the boys' decision to use such violent imagery was deeply disturbing and inappropriate.  So they went online and filled out a "bullying" report of the incident, including details about the time, place, specific words, and a request that the boys be schooled on appropriate conversation in school hallways.

Two days later the school dean called Winnie's mom to thank Winnie for her report.  The details allowed the school officials to find videotape of the incident, discover that the boys were actively bothering other students immediately after Winnie's encounter, and determine their identities.  The boys had then been schooled by the deans, by their athletic coaches, and by their parents.  They are new freshmen who the school officials now know require additional supervision and support to ensure that they gain better social skills for their own benefit and for the sake of a safe school environment.  The dean is hopeful that this early intervention will increase the boys' chance of maturing into fine young men.

Winnie is looking forward to receiving written apologies from these boys in the near future.  The experience has taught her that sometimes, the institutional response packs a better "punch" than retaliating with her own fists.   The boys have learned that there are consequences to their behaviors, and with luck are on their way to learning better behaviors that will serve them well throughout the rest of their high school years and beyond.  

Weird things happen in high school.  But the weird events can be opportunities to teach children the lessons they need.  The boys are being schooled on more socially appropriate behaviors toward their schoolmates.  Winnie was also schooled on the importance of sorting out the facts and standing up for herself by enlisting the school administration to manage and maintain the peace.  May you be similarly satisfied with how your school handles the weird events that are part of every high school career.
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Oppt for Accessibilty

7/17/2019

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I had the honor of participating in a ground breaking initiative at OppLoans in Chicago called Oppt for Accessibility. The initiative is shedding light on the many ways in which OppLoans can be an inclusive environment for employees of all abilities.

My presentation explored how being parents of children with disabilities could impact company employees, particularly when navigating the administrative process at schools. These parents seemed to have very academically talented students who also need supportive services and accommodations to fully realize their potential. This situation could cause an insufficiently trained school team to conclude that the students' academic potential is proof that accommodations are unnecessary. To the contrary, academic talent is not inversely correlated to the need for accomodations. These situations may be best resolved by having attorneys participate in your meetings with the school.

After this meeting, I am hopeful that employers like OppLoans might establish educational consulting as an employee benefit. Having regular access to an attorney like me to coach employees through the process of documenting the need for accomodations, working the process to establish an appropriately robust accommodations plan, and monitoring and managing the plan to ensure their students thrive at school. In addition to the immediate educational needs, parents need guidance on the processes to ensure a smooth transition to college and other postsecondary options so that their children develop into the capable adults they are meant to be.

If my services sound like they may be helpful to you and your child, please contact me.
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Chaos at Home: Peace is Possible!

5/2/2019

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Last night I attended a marvelous educational session hosted by Barrington 220 and Barrington Youth and Family Services featuring Jim Kling, a behavioral consultant that helps families struggling with household chaos that can be exacerbated by our children's special needs.  When our children struggle with health conditions, they can often have trouble "keeping it together," especially at home.  This is especially difficult when our kids are doing a beautiful job of "keeping it together" at school, at church, and at other public places, saving their frustrations until they get home, where they "take it out" on everyone and everything.
Jim and his team work with parents to develop a home environment where kids have a safe way to release their frustrations at home.  He teaches us parents how to make adjustments to how we parent, with a focus non-confrontational methods.  We learn how we deal with our children's behavior, allowing us to maintain consistency in the face of our children's sometimes volatile behavior.
I thank Barrington 220 and BYFS for introducing this talented man to our community.  His team is available to help parents nationwide, and if you think he might be helpful to your situation, I encourage you to give him a call.  His webpage is www.alternativeteaching.org and by phone at 847-289-8699.
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Unintentional Harassment: Parking with Invisible Disabilities

12/16/2018

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It's finals week, and the library is crammed with students getting ready for their exams.  Laila, a high school junior, is part of the crowd.  After midday Christmas service rehearsals, she parks her car in a parking spot reserved for people with disabilities, leaves her assigned placard displayed properly on the dashboard, and rushes into the library for an afternoon of studying and meeting with her math tutor.
Somebody sees her when she parks her car and walks in to the building.  Laila looks fine to the observer, so the observer calls the police to notify them of an alleged parking violation.  While Laila is in the library, a police officer issues a ticket with a $250 fine for parking improperly in a space for disabled.  The ticket was issued in spite of Laila's properly displayed permanent disability parking placard.
Laila comes out of the library after several hours of productive study, sees the ticket and is devastated.  Why was the ticket issued when she was authorized to park in the spot?  Why did someone call the police to get them to issue the ticket?  Why does she have to deal with this in the midst of the crunch to get ready for finals?
Fortunately, Laila knows a good lawyer who is busy making her dinner at home (that's me!).  First, we get control of her immediate situation by writing a letter to the village administrative adjudicator explaining what happened, why it should not have happened, and requesting the ticket be dismissed (we will personally deliver it before school on Monday).  Second, we determine that it was possible that the police officer did not see the placard as it was on the dashboard on the passenger's side, and we agree that in the future that she will always hang her placard on the rear view mirror.  Thirdly, we mourn the hubris of strangers who pass judgement on her right to use parking spots reserved for people with disabilities like her, and also that a police officer would issue a ticket in error when Laila has done nothing wrong.  
My beautiful daughter lives with several disabling conditions that are not visible to the untrained eye.  She works hard to overcome her disabilities through the use of therapeutic practices and medication, successfully participating in school and community activities on most days.  By using accommodations like reserved parking for people with disabilities, she generally maintains a level of functioning that keeps her in school, in choir, and out in the community.  However, even using all available accommodations, she struggles to function like a "normal" person.  Whenever possible, she chooses to address her disabling conditions in the privacy of her own home, where it might be a little more obvious that she really isn't "fine." 
Laila is not alone.  According to 2006 data from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 12.6% of American adults live with a mobility impairment.  That's over 3 million American adults; over 750,000 adult New Yorkers; over 250,000 adult Chicagoans; and over 3000 Barrington area adult residents (calculated based on 2016 Census geographic population data and 2016 Census age demographic data).  If all people with mobility impairments used canes, walkers and wheelchairs, we would see a lot more people using these devices in public.  But a great many people with mobility impairments do not use these devices, rendering their impairments invisible to the general public.  They are the experts in determining whether they should use an assistive device like a wheelchair or an accommodation like a parking spot reserved for use by people with disabilities.
When you see a "normal looking" person who parks their car in a designated spot for people with disability, please refrain from interfering.  Many people have conditions that you cannot see, and some even appear "too young" to need such an accommodation.  Particularly when a person has properly displayed a parking placard, you should accept that they have have gone through the rigorous process of providing the proper medical verification to the state and that they are authorized to use the parking spot.
If you're wondering "what harm is there if you call in the police to issue a citation?" the answer is "quite a lot."  For my 16 year old who has worked hard to function as an independent high school student, receiving the ticket confirmed her fears that she needs to be able to defend herself from random adults who don't believe that she lives with disabling medical conditions.  It reinforced her fear that the world doesn't seem to think she has a right to live her life as independently as she can.  It distracted her from the important work of preparing for finals.  It forced her to engage her mom (and her lawyer) to properly contest the ticket.  If her mom had not been her lawyer, it could have forced her to find a way to pay the $250 fine.
It is my prayer that this post helps encourage us treat one another with more respect.  That we allow people with disabilities to use the parking accommodations that help them live their lives.  That we trust one another to use the accommodations that we need, and that we understand that we do great harm when we challenge a person's right to use an accommodation.  My daughter wants to get her education, get a good job, and make a positive difference in the world.  All she needs is to have a chance to participate, free of harassment from her right to use accommodations that help her fulfill these goals.

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School Accommodations: A Parent's Guide

10/18/2018

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Now available in paperback and e-book on Amazon!

Children living with disabilities have a legal right to a Free and Appropriate Public Education in the Least Restrictive Environment. Mother and attorney Mari Hoashi Franklin created this book to help parents navigate the process of defining the reasonable accommodations and necessary services that will help ensure full inclusion for their children.
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With this guide, parents can focus on their role as parents without needing to also become expert educators and attorneys in the process. We cover 504, IEP, ADA, IDEA, HIPAA and more only far enough to help parents feel confident that the system can be successfully worked to ensure full inclusion for our children. Step-by-step instructions to document your child's situation and to secure appropriate accommodations - including sample forms and letters - are designed to enable parents to appropriately lead supporting medical professionals and educators through the process of securing appropriate accommodations and services in the school environment.
Order Now!
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Delta Airlines Fail Emotional Support Animals & their Handlers

1/25/2018

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"New" Rules Regarding ESAs

Earlier this month, Delta Air Lines announced new rules regarding Emotional Support Animals traveling on their planes.  Written " as a result of a lack of regulation that has led to serious safety risks involving untrained animals in flight," Delta writes that their rules "support Delta’s top priority of ensuring safety for its customers, employees and trained service and support animals, while supporting the rights of customers with legitimate needs ... to travel with trained animals."

While I am pleased to know that Delta is willing to comply with application federal laws regarding Emotional Support Animals, I am disappointed that they chose to increase paperwork burdens on legitimate animals, while apparently failing to curtail consequences for animals that are actually not protected bu the applicable ESA laws. 

Abuse of ESA Privleges

Delta reports that "[c]ustomers have attempted to fly with comfort turkeys, gliding possums known as sugar gliders, snakes, spiders and more. Ignoring the true intent of existing rules governing the transport of service and support animals can be a disservice to customers who have real and documented needs. Delta has seen an 84 percent increase in reported animal incidents since 2016, including urination/defecation, biting and even a widely reported attack by a 70-pound dog. In 2017, Delta employees reported increased acts of aggression (barking, growling, lunging and biting) from service and support animals, behavior not typically seen in these animals when properly trained and working."

Delta is correct that these incidences are absolutely unacceptable.  Not only as a matter or common sense, but as a matter of law: animals meeting the criteria described above are simply NOT protected by the applicable federal law.

Why not?  Because these animals fail to meet requirements for all ESAs: they must be healthy and properly behaved. The are animals described in Delta's release have been brought on the planes without regard to the requirements of the law.  Discussing the matter with friends, I have discovered that many of us have an experience of an animal on the plane jumping on our laps; or excessively growling or barking; or even of biting, urinating or defecating on a plane.  These animals should absolutely not be allowed to be treated as ESAs, because they are NOT ESAs.  By failing the behavioral requirements, they are just another animal on the plane, subject to the same rules as any other pet.

A Crazy, Ineffective Way to Stop Cheaters

As Delta states, "the Title 14 Code of Federal Aviation Regulations § 382.117 dictates, 'you must permit the service animal to accompany the passenger with a disability at any seat in which the passenger sits, unless the animal obstructs an aisle or other area that must remain unobstructed to facilitate an emergency evacuation.'"  In addition, under Federal Law, a service animal and an emotional support animal are required to be healthy and well behaved.  Even if the animal is a service animal, it will not be allowed to accompany its handler if it fails to meet this minimal health and behavioral standard.

The approach that Delta takes simply requires additional documentation be provided by the ESA handler 48 hours in advance of the flight.  In addition to a letter from a treating healthcare professional attesting within the past year that the handler has a condition that requires the ESA and that identifies the ESA by breed and name, handlers must now also provide a veterinary certificate regarding good health and vaccinations, and a self-executed attestation indicating that you understand that your ESA must behave.  These are things that every ESA handler has on hand, but know they must be provided 48 hours in advance and requires additional signature by the ESA's veterinarian.

This is an awful example of a behavior that I call "able-splaining."  In order to be accompanied by your ESA on a Delta flight, they basically require:
  1. A permission note from your doctor or counselor
  2. A permission note from your veterinarian
  3. A permission note from yourself acknowledging that you have a trained animal and that, if it behaves unlike a trained animal, it can be denied passage.
For people who have identified a need for an ESA and have invested the time and effort in establishing a relationship with an appropriate animal, these are not new guidelines.  All that we are adding are new paperwork requirements that improperly tries to control the behaviors of "cheaters" by drowning the righteous in paperwork.

A Better Way to Protect ESAs and the Rest of Us

Here's how I would prefer that Delta address the "cheaters" or insufficiently behaved ESAs:
  1. Update ESA information pages to reflect the requirement that the animal be well behaved.
  2. Update the Pet Travel policies to specifically indicate that pets must travel according to these rules.   
  3. Create an automatic penalty schedule for abuse of ESA rules that includes:
    1. If the animal is not an ESP, incurring pet fees at a penalty rate or two or three times the normal rates;
    2. Incurring liability for additional expenses incurred by the airline to bring the cabin back into compliance, whether that includes cleaning, landing, gate access, take off fees and the like;
    3. Incurring liability to compensate other travelers for their inconvenience.
  4. Making clear that any harm that the ESA inflicts on people are subject to normal liability rules to make victims whole.
I believe if passengers are aware that the consequences for "being caught" or for traveling with an insufficiently trained are significant, we will see a great reduction in animals that harm other passengers on flights.

The clear priority must be the safety of other passengers (and animals) on the flight.  Catching "cheaters" should not be a high priority; ensuring and enforcing  consequences for harm will go much farther in protecting the health and safety of fellow flyers. 
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Emotional Support Animals: The Rights of the Rest of Us

1/24/2018

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Emotional Support Animals

Airline rules on Emotional Support Animals (ESAs) have recently been in the news.  These animals are critical tools for their handlers, but they are not the same as Service Animals which must be allowed in all public places.  Airplanes and housing establishments are required to accommodate ESAs, subject to a few federal rules.  But what to do when the ESA doesn't seem needed, or if it is misbehaved or dangerous?  Do the rest of us have any rights?  As the great Finneas (of Finneas and Ferb) would say, why yes, yes we do.  Here we go:

ESA and the Rights of the General Public

I should expect the ESA to behave.
We are entitled to expect ZERO harassment by an ESA.  This means, no growling, no lunging, no biting, no urinating, no defecating, no use of the human furniture by an ESA in an inappropriate manner.  An animal that is not quickly brought under control by their handler causes the handler to immediately lose their right to have their ESA present, and the ESA immediately loses its status as an ESA. 

​Keep in mind, though, that an isolated bark or sniff that is quickly brought in line by the handler does NOT count; this applies only when the handler is not able to quickly bring the animal's behavior under control.  
I should expect that the ESA is clean and healthy.
We are entitled to expect that the ESA is clean and healthy. This means that there are no offending odors, no excessive dirt or shedding, no open sores, no dribbling out of orifices.  Also, it means no active infections, an appropriate temperament for being out in public spaces, and all vaccinations are up to date. 

Potential Conflicts with an ESA

If my property or I are harmed by the ESA, I should expect that my costs will be paid by the handler.
Should we experience harm caused by the ESA, we are entitled to expect appropriate compensation from the handler.  If I am bitten, my medical costs should be covered.  If my clothing is damaged or soiled, cleaning/repair/replacement costs should be covered.  This is true even if the animal is not an ESA; similar expectations are in place when the incident is caused by a neighbor's pet.  

Of course, you also have a right to have the harm stop immediately.  Most local statutes allow you to destroy an attacking animal.  The ESA loses its protected status once it is no longer under effective control of its handler.
My disabilities have an equal right to accommodation.
If we have a health condition that is triggered by the ESA, we are entitled to have our needs accommodated.  So, for example on an airplane, if you have a severe allergy or a disabling anxiety triggered by the ESA, you may request a different seat.  Be reasonable about who should move; if one of you is seated with family, the other should probably move; if both of you are seated with family, you can have family members shuffle seats to maximize distance between yourself and the ESA.  With  courtesy and good humor, a compromise that suits both people should be found.

Rights of an ESA and Their Handlers

Do not challenge whether the ESA is necessary.
Why someone needs an ESA is none of our business.  It is not for each of us to determine whether a condition warrants the use of an ESA.  An ESA can be a startlingly effective way to treat numerous conditions, and effectiveness can be highly individualized.  In a society that historically discounts the importance of accommodations for invisible disabilities, bringing an ESA out in public is a brave act.  As long as the ESA does not obviously pose a health or safety risk, leave it alone. 
Do not challenge the ESA's credentials to serve.
How the ESA "earned" its status as an ESA is none of our business.  Once again, it is not for any of us to create some arbitrary standard for all ESAs.  They are already subject to standards that protect the health and safety of the rest of us.  Just as we are not in a position to determine if an ESA is needed, we are not in a position to determine what is required in that ESA's training.
I hope this information puts your mind at ease when encountering an animal in a public place.  You always have the right to expect that an animal will not threaten your health or safety.  If you have conditions that require separation from the animal, it is your right to be accommodated.  You should not concern yourself if you don't "see why" someone might need an animal with them, as long as the animal does not bother you.  And if (and only if) an animal does not conform to expected health or behavioral standards, you do have the right to have have the animal removed, and if you were harmed to be compensated for that harm.   If you require any assistance in resolving a dispute regarding an ESA, or if you would like to determine whether an ESA would be appropriate for someone you know, please contact me at marifranklinlaw@gmail.com or 847-977-9051.
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Accommodations are the Law

1/14/2018

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All children with a disability that affects their ability access to public education have a constitutional right to accommodations.  Determining whether a student receives accommodations and services depends on the child's individual needs.
A public school that tells you that they lack the capacity to provide accommodations or services is breaking the law.  Public schools may not tell you that "instead" of determining eligibility for services, that they will place your student in an RTI (response to intervention) group to see if that helps.  Public schools are especially forbidden from setting a predetermined cap for how many students will be allowed to access special services.
​“Every child with a disability must have appropriate access to special education and related services that meet his or her unique needs,” --Betsy DeVos
For a time, the state of Texas had set a maximum percentage for students participating in special educational services.  Even once the state eliminated the cap, the school system continued to exclude students from necessary services simply because they had trained teachers and administrators to deny services.  It created a culture where services were automatically denied.  The state has been ordered to remedy the situation, and have already started securing the resources to do so.  New York Times, January 11, 2018.
​“Every child with a disability must have appropriate access to special education and related services that meet his or her unique needs,” Ms. DeVos said in a statement announcing the regulatory action. “Far too many students in Texas had been precluded from receiving supports and services.”
Our children need parents to establish an appropriate 504 Plan or IEP when appropriate.  Any time you have school policies, classroom and homework rules, testing environments, physical layout, or other aspects of "doing school" that get in the way of your child being their best student, it is appropriate to stop and consider whether "doing school" requires some ability with which your child struggles.  Disability does not refer to your child's ability to be an amazing student; rather, it just means that the school did not anticipate the flexibility required to unleash your child's ability.  Please contact me if I can be of assistance in that process.
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    Mari Franklin is a counselor at law who specializes in helping students secure accommodations at school.

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